Friday, April 22, 2011

Meet Terrance Crysantheum; He Plays Dungeons and Dragons

My friends and I were in Ontario yesterday at a restaurant called Graziano's.  It's the sort of place that, unless your 12 years old and celebrating winning at sports; like soccer or something, you're at risk of feeling rather out of place.  Our visit to the sub-par, Chucky Cheese-esque establishment, was marked by messy barbeque-chicken pizza, a broken skee ball machine, and someone we named Terrance Crysantheum.  Terrance, being the unanimous highlight of the occasion.

Lithely moving about, giant pizza spatula in hand, we first saw Terrance peak out from his little pizza crafting cubby beyond the counter, when we went to exchange our 29 game tickets for a couple Chinese finger traps.  It was at this, the moment of first contact, in which I was able to see past his facade of green apron and visor, into his very soul it seemed.  I felt as if I had Vulcan mind melded him and was given in an instant, a vision of his life.

Terrance Crysantheum is 19 years old.  He has a tabby cat named Jiles.  Jiles, who has very specific dietary needs, is the subject of Terrance's blog almost exclusively.  On the weekends Terrance plays Dungeons and Dragons with a bunch of friends.  This same group of friends also comprises an electronica band named Torrential Down-Fog which Terrance plays the keys and synth for.  Terrance recently sold his level 85 Paladin on World of Warcraft for $400, because he has grown out of such things.  Terrance attends a local community college and plans to become a mechanical engineer so that he can one day make a life size replica of the Iron Man suit and wear it to Comic Con.  During breaks from classes he plays Magic: The Gathering in the student rec room with some friends from his Shakespearean Lit. class.  Terrance enjoys writing fan fiction for his favorite Japanese anime when he has the time, and strongly dislikes the new Battlestar Galactica, because it's too nerdy.



  1. A friend of mine used to work at that Graziano's. About half of the things you said about Terrance applies to that friend...

  2. Dear, Dear, Dear Andrew....

    I am mildly concerned that you are creating fictional personas for very real people. Terrance, although enjoyable to read about is not even this poor boys name. The name, however, will have to suffice seeing as we have nothing left of his memory outside of a mere interweb photo. Regardless of name and story concocted I believe I have an odd friend, we will refer to as "Pie Kid", who would be a perfect companion for Terrance.

    Pie Kid wears a cape while riding his bike, thinks he is the shiz, and challenges pedestrians to...well... jumping competitions. He spends his days critiquing other peoples art because he has a greater understanding for it than most. Needless to say, someone such as Terrance may truly rub off on Pie Kid, who is in great need for friends of such nature. Perhaps one day, when writing nerd blogs online, they shall find one another.

    ...our friend in common actually knows this "Pie Kid" to whom I am referring. She could tell you most ridiculous tales.

    shattering statistics